Tonight You decided to cuckold me for the first time and it took me by surprise.  You have made threats and teased about it but until tonight never followed through on it.  I must admit Goddess i was very surprised when You took me to that club and locked me on my knees, cuffed and unable to get away and then slowly danced and teased me while You waited for Your bull.

I still could not believe it was happening until the guy showed up and You moved to him, making me crawl and kneel beside You as he took You in his arms and dirty danced with You.  That was the point that I realized this was truly going to happen and there was a huge amount of emotions running through me.  

First there was jealousy.  I know it is not my place as Your slave to be jealous but I am, I hate the thought of anyone getting Your attention in that way, having there hands on You, and getting the kinds of sexual reactions from You, getting You excited, hot and wet.  I foolishly think that should be reserved for me and so jealous emotions began to well up and I had to remind myself that I belong to You, not the other way around and being jealous will only hurt what we have so I suppressed it as best i could.

Next my Dom side emerged and I know that if not bound as i was i would have stood up and pulled You away from him, doing what ever I needed to do to take You as mine.  Again not what I should be doing as Your slave but its how I felt.  Also when he tried to humiliate me or pat my head and tell me to do this or not do that I ignore him or pulled away and if I was not bound would have broken him in two.  I again had to remind myself that You expected me to behave so I did my best not to embarrass You.  I think that I would be more respective, or able to handle things better if the other male was a sub and You remain in control the entire time.  It was difficult for me to see someone in control of You or directing You to do things, take things rather then You being in complete charge of the situation.  

It was difficult to watch, and as You got more into it, the more that pain in my chest and the pit of my stomach increased.  What I dont get, and really fucks with me is that even though I hated watching it, and it cut deep emotionally, I was hard the entire time.  I did notice that when You wore more aggressive towards me, or cold, just demanding and expecting me to endure i felt more submissive and able to endure it better.  In these types of situations is when I need that strong, harsh Mistress that will not take any bullshit or excuses and will use me in any way, expect and force me to watch, lick, suffer or what ever You wish with out hesitation or suffer dearly for it.  

The physical pain You inflected help me as well, it countered the emotional pain and made things a bit more bearable.  I would think that the more sever You are to me, the more humiliation and pain I must endure, the more productive the training and effect it will have on me and the deeper I will fall into slavery for You.  

Also in situations like that i think that choice on my part should be taken away.  When You asked me if i wanted to clean You there or at home it was hard for me to answer.  Had You slapped me and drug me to You and commanded me to clean You in the club, humiliating me and laughing at what a lowly bitch i was licking up another mans cum in front of a club full of people while I cant even cum because You own everything about me.  That type of domination is what I need in situations like that.  To be giving a choice as You did let me start thinking and my Dom side, my willingness to submit was tested and could have turned into a bad situation with me refusing to do it or to even submit.  

You know that the more wicked You are, the harder You are on me the deeper and more submissive I become.  At least to a point.  The more You test and push me, exploring the edges of my slavery, the further my boundaries and limits will expand and the better slave i will become in the long run.    

All in all though Goddess, I know that I needed it.  It showed me that You are willing to take me places that are scary, unfamiliar, and that this is not all just fun and kinky games.  That as Your slave I am just that.  A slave that is here to serve and suffer for YOU in what ever suits Your mood at the time.  Your torments may be things I know and endure easily or with more desire or perhaps be more comfortable with as a concept.  Or they may be things that push my limits, that reach outside of my comfert zone.  I know physical pain, can endure it much easier then emotional pain.  The mind fuck is where I see the largest potential for growth and where to expand my slavery, to crush me under Your heel and make me suffer for Your pleasure.  

Thank You Goddess for taking me on this journey.  I know I have a long way to go, a tremendous need for training on his aspect of my submission to You and hope that if You take me down this road further.  I will be able to please You and prove just how devoted and enslave i am to my beautiful and Superior Goddess.